Question: Dear Tell Nicola, I have been in a long term relationship with the same woman for more than 4 years. I love her, but I am not sure if I am in love anymore. We have grown and changed over the years. I too have been growing tiresome with my job. I decided to apply for a position in another country and I was offered a permanent short term opportunity in Italy. While I have never left the US and have no contacts in Italy, I feel like this is an opportunity that I just can’t pass up. Right? There is a part of me that thinks my girl will not want to move her entire life to Italy. And there is another part of me that isn’t even sure if I’d want her to come. I am stuck between a life altering decision to choose between my love (that I do respect) and an opportunity to experience something new. Please help me! Sincerely, Indeciso (Age 24 – United States)
Response: Dear Indeciso, first, let me congratulate you on being offered such a wonderful opportunity. I think everyone should experience the colors of another country and its culture. As for making a decision. Because it seems as though this is not a woman that you plan to spend the rest of your life with, I would suggest that you be the honorable and respectable man that you appear to be, and sit your Girl down and let her know exactly what’s happening and how you are feeling. You didn’t mention anything about her knowing that you have been considering job opportunities in other countries, so I think the longer you keep this all the secret, the more difficult the “break up process” will be and the more you risk hurting this person that you seem to truly care for. Some people are in your life for a lifetime, and others are there for a season. And while this woman may not be your future wife, if you speak to her sooner than later, you may have the chance to prevent the possibility of losing your friendship. My advice is to talk to her and express your feelings about work, along with your sincere love and adoration for her. Let her know that this is something that you need to do for yourself. Who knows. You may speak to her and after you both discuss this matter, you may come to realize that you could not imagine a life without her and you both may decide for you to stay or you both go to Italy together. But if you decide to go your separate ways, do not harbor on the sadness of the break up. But focus on the new experiences, the people you will get to meet, and the possibilities of finding a piece of yourself that you’ve been searching for. Whatever decision you make. Make it with no fears of failure or regrets about moving forward. Best, Nicola
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